I am such a disappointment.

And i don't know what to say. I don't know what to do. I am lost.

"if u're crying i hope its for me. but i dun think u'd cry for anyone else other than him...
gd nite bah. i love u"

It's for myself. I am lost and i don't know why am i doing this and what gone into my mind and and and........

I don't know how to address him next time. I have no guts to face him. Not a little bit more left... I never call out his name before. I only used "oie", "dar", "dear", "lao gong"

For once, i thought i was loved and i will have it almost for forever. Happy days past, left so much in love. its fast, come by as it gone pass. It's gone just like that. Without much sadness, remorse, expressions and feeling from the other paty, i was hurt deeply. It then come along another. I felt loved again. But i don't know why, i told the other that i was blunt, i don't know how to handle.
"and u never did let go of the past before mah, cuz u cannot, i oso noe."
The other knows and understand. I am still a disappointment to him and to myself. As i consult, i got this answer,
"you heart got one knot
you must open yourself
or not you will be miserable"
I am sad.

teArs still rolling down. I dont know.






tAke cAre..... muack.

Woke up after the sleep after the entry a made... What time was it? hmmm... forgoten.. then ask baobei to meet me, so he said okai. and we met at kovan mcdonals. He drank mochacino and i had Caramel frappe, large fries and apple dippers, then got 2 more extra caramel dips.. hahaha..

So 11pm plus we chat then went to the near by playground coz he wanted to smoke. so ya... then 2am plus we walked back to mcdonalds coz he wanted to pee... okai... after that, we walked all the the way back to "buaek hang" ave 8, hahaah... near to where baobei stays.

so ya, we chatted again. we were like complaining bout our ex'es and dulling over it, haaahah... oh and was like 5am already, so baobei accompany me to wait for first bus, but he too tired le, halfway, he goes off le.. he still sms me to tell me sorry again.. haahah... cute leh he.

reached home bout 6am? slept and woke up at 11.30am. do washing, cleaning. 1.30pm, huichuan, kass, trisha and who came... forgotten the name. then awhile more, alice came. then after their lunch, we played mahjong. 4pm, "shuah teon" disperse~ hahaa... brought my mahjong along coz after dinner will continue at trisha play. haha, trisha house no mahjong tiles but got table.

so we played kass went off first, then we ended at 11.30pm, and i went off le. reached home 12am i guess. did i sleep? nvm, haahahh... nv got out of bed till 5pm. ate dinner then after that went out awhile. came back ate a lot of kinder bueno and snickers... haahaa...

i love chocolate especially SWEETHEART. its still my favorite... ferrero products are good too.

okai.. thats all.. muack.. taKE cAre aLL.. goodnight

It's so stupid~!

1 hour waiting for registration. 1 hour waiting for consultation. 45mins waiting to get medicine. 15 mins consultation plus taking of number plus walking upstairs and down again plus payment plus medic explaining of intake.

ALL TOGETHER~! 3 hours~!!! omg... 3 long hours... anyone wanna guess where was i at~?

OH YES~~~~~! I was at the POLYCLINIC. can u imagine...~?

Woke up today, actually didnt sleep at all, so get up from bed, feeling my head so heavy... Wanna know why i didnt sleep at all~? 'cause thanks to the sick bay on Thursday morning... yeah, they ask me to sleep. so okai, i slept, from 8.30am till 12.30pm, woke up, ate lunch and slept till 4.3opm... so ya, i had so much energy and i cant sleep in the night. And yes, today. Friday~! reported sick...

Someone told me harshly, "WHAT HAPPENED TO YOU ? WHERE DO YOU REPORT SICK? CANNOT GO TO GP (GENERAL PRACTITIAN), MUST GO TO THE POLYCLINIC OR HOSPITAL TO REPORT SICK. MUST REPORT BY 8.30AM,OR ELSE THEY CAN CHARGE YOU AWOL, GO REPORT NOW, AND I SAY NOW!"

I was like, what the f*ck. My head is like so pain and you are shouting through the phone, into my ears. u sickening idiot~! U bloody asrhole~! u~~~ argh~!!! >.<

Then went to the Polyclinic. 8.30am reach the first counter and took the number and wait for registrating and the blah blah blah, 11.30pm, whole thing ended. Called Mdm Teo and told her i have one day MC. Then ya. Came back home.

Impression of POLYCLINIC~!
- LONG WAITING TIME.
- SERVICE PERSONAL ARE FRIENDLY.
- FOR PEOPLE WHO WANNA CHAO GENG AND TAKE MC.

And too bad, i have to look at your face for like another 2 months.. argh~! sickening... Can i wish for u to die~? awww... that is so bad of me... but NI HUO GAI~! bleahxz.

Headache~~~~~~! Tao tiah.. argh. sleep... Zzzzzz.. okai...

muackz. take care... Love ya.

oh~~~ GOT SORE EYE~~~

SLEEP WHOLE DAY IN SICK BAY... haha... also fun lah. no worries... 9am report sick, 9.45am admmitted to sick bay, 2pm lunch in ration pack. 5pm go home. REALLY IS SLEEP WHOLE DAY DE LEH~!

So ya, went home at 5pm. Gotta reach sick bay by 8am tml wor... hmmm....

okai. reach home, slept awhile, then went out le. Rehearsal outside RAW. 11pm went home. Oh ya... i had my 6th SNICKERS today... hahhaa... i ate 3 today. oh my... hahha.. CHOCOLATE is nice, it's always so nice... awww... why they don have chocolate as dessert... it will be perfect. ahhaha...

Quite a long time never see a lot of people le. Er zi, Xiaomei, Yijian, alice, and ya~ LaO GoNg~~.

muST say this... LaO goNg seems like a changed person. I donno what had changed, but its for the better la... ahhaha...

miSS aLL oF ya... haha... tAke cAre... mUAckzZ. (^_^)

Oh my.....

2nd day in Seletar Camp and i have a half day leave. Mdm Teo (2WO) ask me go home de, 'cause no one will be in the store to teach me anything also.

Seleter Camp have a lot of "Ghar Ghar", monster, pests, insect. You all know got what or not. OH MY, there are Big Red Ants, Spiders, Monitor Lizards, Wild Boars, Mosquitos, Frogs, Cobras, worst of all~~~ GOT "GAR ZHUA" - COCKROACH... so scary can~!

Seletar Camp is so antique... So untouch... Most of the building are more then 70 years old. I think the things that are new is the air-con, tables, chairs, stationaries, vehicles, food, computer, equipment, door, window grill and ever changing people.

No airplane landing and taking off to see le. Miss those days seeing sunrise and sunset...

hmmm... was thinking. life is so short, this 2 years, i cant do anything bout it and cant do what i want. living the life u want then i real living. Always saying live life to the fullest, but i cant do it... haiz... forget it. Die can le... but isnt it stupid to die because of ns~? haiz... donno what to do also.

take cARe~ MuaCkxx. love yA.

bEeN poSted to selEtar camp... 5th October 2007.

Don't wanna be there and i don't wanna be anywhere. It's very stupid for me to waste 2 years in army for nothing. okai.. discipline is learned, but i still think it is a waste of my time. don't understand why people have the passion to serve the country. argh. sick, stress, depress. 2 years leh.

donno wat is so stressful and i am like so out of my mind. hmmm... stress... depress...

hope i can get over this phase soon... take cARe. muaCkz...

Wah~~~

1. S__ JIE, JACK S871____J, you have been posted to CP COMDT SELETAR as a SUP ASST (GE) (TRAINEE) with effect from 051007.

2. NEW UNIT'S CONTACT NUMBER: 6480 ____ - Chief Clerk.

3. You are required to report DIRECTLY to the unit that you have been assigned to in No.n4ndress by 0800hrs. Please bring along your SAF Smart Card.

4. --- blah blah

5. --- blah blah

6. Note that. Camera phone / MP3 players / PSP / contraband items are not allowed to be brought into SAF camps.

7. --- blah blah

8. --- blah blah

9. We wish you the best in your future endeavours.

Whatever only leh... aper jer.....~?! I should be posted to the Manpower Branch at Tekong de loh... argh~! Mdm Michelle bluff me de... say will hold me back, now posted le... BUT SHE STILL MANAGED TO HOLD BACK WILFRED~! coz he haven got his PES down graded... So Mdm Michelle called Mdm Lily i think and ask her to cancel the posting for Wilfred... Then me she asked me, i see her ask for me le, but Mdm Lily say small case, 'cause i only got signess, "p.s, donno how to spell signness or what ever that is", the Mdm don't wanna cancel the posting, Mdm Michelle also LL cannot do anything le, unless go Specialist and get letter and say i cannot do SUP ASST... BUT HOW YOU WANT ME TO "GENG"signess without dust and heat or flu~...?

haiz... friday gotta report to seletar there le wor... will miss Tekong de...

takE cAre... muack.. LovE ya

Tuesday...

Woke up at 6.15am. Gonna be late. Took a cab. Rush down to the ferry teminal... phew..... was on time...

Today, the day pass quite fast... Oh, remembering, was lunch time and was called back by one of the 'FU'. He said that we need to change into our smart 4 and march to the food house for lunch. So i decided, SKIP LUNCH.... yup... no mood to eat le. And i think, i wont be eating lunch until i am posted to any of the units.

The new OC will be in tomorrow i guess... Hope will be one that will take care of the welfare of us. HOPE...

5.30pm, took the ferry, came back to mainland. Took bus 89 and changed to bus 53... while on 53, saw something nice... SUNSET~~~ yup... the sun is like an egg yoke from a chicken egg. and it slowly went down to the west... awww... what a sight.

Hong Xiang ( Tekong Camp buddy) called... asked me to but AAA batt... so okai. promised to buy. Reached home, SLEEP~! haha... woke up, 9.30pm. Ate dinner and washed up everything and did some mopping. And was like 11.30pm already? yup. dear called. chatted for like 15 mins and i went to get the batteries.

It had been a long time i went out middle of the night. I walked to the 7-11 at hougang ave 1 and i bought Chrysanthemum White Tea and top-up my ez-link card. Batteries, i went over to the next door, PRIME Supermarket to buy. haha.. cheaper ma... yup... and walked back home.

Came back and yup... time to sleep... muackz.

tAke cAre... lovE ya.















i caN liVe wiThoUt yOu.. anD i wILL. >.<

Hmmm... Was sick from Friday. Due to the rainy day on Thursday, i was sick.

Everytime like that... When i am sick, things just goes haywire. Mood affected, emotions affected, mind affected, performance affected, thinking affected, everything starts coming into my way, loads just come down on you. You will just collapes and breakdown. Cried, depressed, felt so helpless...

Friday went to see te doctor, didnt went to Tekong. Went to Grandma house. After that, came home. Slept for like 3 hours? then went to larry house le, prepare for YeeBar performance. Set at maxwell market for like very long and ya till first bus arrive. Then morning 8am reach home, Saturday, slept for 4 hours, Weiwei called, answered and chatted. Then yup, slept again after the chatting session. Then went over to Alvin's house warming. Again, till next morning reach home, but this time without sleep, went with mommy to her office to help her work. Then was 12pm, went to eat lunch at Marina Manderin.

So ya, i left for Kenneth's house, mommy left for Eunos at 2pm... Then at kenneth house played mahjong. Reached home at 10pm, that's when all the emotions starts. I starts to get ridiculous... Today in Tekong nothing much happen, nothing for me to be ridiculous bout. Until i came out of Tekong, i am like PMS like that... oh well...

Went out with dear today. and ya, nothing much, he bought some clothes, ate Kobayashi. Then went home le...

gOodniGHt aLL... tAke cAre, mUAcKz...






















It's always the case, you always come into my mind when things get haywire. I dont want. >.<