how? suddenly...

=)

this is it... it'll end here. it's not gonna be more then just friends. this is for Q...

haha... =D

i so chui-ed can...

must slp le must slp le/...

take care ah all.. muackz..

same thing... almost the same ending every conversation. "told you in the beginning not to put too much hope."

haiz... still ask me to imagine if i were to know him before the fox know him... i imagined be4 le.. things may be different, i may end up hurting u ba.. oh well.. its all maybe...

but i think i wont...

i make it sound that i can let go easily...but in fact, i cant... and i don wanna let go...

till u found happiness, then will i silently walk away, but i'll nv turn my back on you. =)

dorts... how many more emo post do i have to post? haiyo...

take care la...

am i like rushing things...?

hmmm... i think i am loh. haiz...

i donno la...

argh~! =.=

ii am so argh.. donno what to say bout me also. argh~! i donno....

maybe we are jus destinated to be friends? maybe...

but... i don want...

will it end up not even friend?

leaving? maybe... a childish way to settle myself...

i donno...

I miss you I miss you I miss you I miss you I miss you I miss you I miss you I miss you I miss you I miss you I miss you I miss you I miss you I miss you I miss you I miss you I miss you I miss you I miss you I miss you I miss you I miss you I miss you I miss you I miss you I miss you I miss you I miss you I miss you I miss you I miss you I miss you I miss you I miss you I miss you I miss you I miss you I miss you I miss you I miss you I miss you I miss you I miss you I miss you I miss you I miss you I miss you I miss you I miss you I miss you I miss you I miss you I miss you I miss you I miss you I miss you I miss you I miss you I miss you I miss you I miss you I miss you I miss you I miss you I miss you I miss you I miss you I miss you I miss you I miss you I miss you I miss you I miss you I miss you I miss you I miss you I miss you I miss you I miss you I miss you I miss you I miss you I miss you I miss you I miss you I miss you I miss you I miss you I miss you I miss you I miss you I miss you I miss you I miss you I miss you I miss you I miss you I miss you I miss you I miss you I miss you I miss you I miss you I miss you I miss you I miss you I miss you I miss you I miss you I miss you I miss you I miss you I miss you I miss you I miss you I miss you I miss you I miss you I miss you I miss you I miss you I miss you I miss you I miss you I miss you I miss you I miss you I miss you I miss you I miss you I miss you I miss you I miss you I miss you I miss you I miss you I miss you I miss you...

hmmm... i jus miss you. i so wanna call u darling and stuff la. but ya, u know, i know..

and i am so worry bout you can? when will the pain go away? how i wish the one in pain is me. u need to study, exam and things, so many things for u worry bout. haiz... wat i can do, is only see u in pain... saturday, even sent u to the hospital. when was in cab, i can let u lay on me, can let u lay straight, see u in agony.. heart was in gush of fire, angry yet worry.

nv stay for long, ur mother came, and i had AHM the next morning. so ya, went home... then almost 2 received ur sms, saying doc say nothing much, say no problem. HUH? no problem ah? then why pain? donno got check properly de or not... oh well, take med loh.. wat to do.

then 4.30am woke up, when to padang, omg, raining. THE WHOLE FIELD WAS FILLED WITH MUD.. OMG~! MUDDY MUDDY EVERYWHERE... then stupid RO put 5.30am all must reach there.. no loh.. 21km de then 5.30am loh.. me 6km, 8.30 leh.... hmmm... oh well nvm... after that.. went breakfast with sebes, then went home... bathe, then went over to his place... he seems fine, but still, in pain. haiz...

did nothing much at his house... when to eat... yup... nothing much.. then edgar call.. then donno wanna go changi airport with him or not. then was hesitating.. and u suddenly come so close to my face.. omg.. u are so cute.. how i wish i could jus give u a kiss. hmm.. but then. u know, so inappropriate. hmm..

then i asked edgar come over to his house. so ya. at his house till 10 plus.. then i went over to jasper house. so don bare to leave ur house la... start to miss u liao la. argh... hmm

then ya... played mahjong till today morning loh. win $7 only. then u called, so gan jiong... omg, u forgotten ur seat number... =.= hmmm, worry hor u liao la...helped u checked, then went to eat breakfast with jasper.

then ya... i went to my grandma house... omg.. my grandma forever so cute. =D i always see her smiling. aiya.. don have photo give u all see.. okai... then when to her house, chat with her, then accompany her to see doc and take her regular medicine. then ya... was almost 12pm le... haha... am so happy u called. when finish ur paper, reached home. ya... thanks...

so ya, now blogging. then should be slping ba... take cara all, especially you. remember to take medicine. and i really miss u. donno why. don ask me why ah... i will shy hor. =p

muackx... take care.

thursday was a nice day... was on mc coz of stomache flu. then rest at home till dinner time. thank you for agreeing to accompany me for dinner... thanks you for making my day a happy one. i saw ur a bit "crazyness", ur a little "hiao-ness" , ur a little "high-ness", so cute... haha...

i had porridge today. and ya...had some kuay as well... i really wanna thank you each moment with u around.

as i always feel, days without you can be miserable. wanting me to let go is really not that possible now.. u always told me seriously not to put too much hope, but when did i really take these words seriously? i jus don wish you are jus some passing by wind. not recieving ur sms, call and things make me so worry, make me so uncomfortable. tried so much ways to hide this feeling and tried not to care.. but failed to. hmm..

I want you to be mine. i donno why... i jus want u to be by my side. i don mind your posessive, i don mind your lazyness, i don mind you being moody, i don mind you being forgetful... i really don mind seriously...

how i wish i can spend every moment with you. how i wish i can hear your voice every now and then...

always, there are dreams bout you, each time get clearer and clearer.. i don wish to tell u. why? coz i am scare that if i tell u, things wont come true. very silly of me. but ya...

seeing ur blog, blogging how u feel for that day, ur mood and everything, not one day i seen is a happy one since... i really don wanna see u suffer this kind of unneccesary emo things u know.. always see u talking bout A and B and see u emo over it.. i donno what's the point. B sees ur blog everyday, so do i. i am not comparing what i've done and wat he didnt. its always B and B and B.. jus that, i am jealous.. =p

i am emo-ing over things la.. coz if i directly tell u all these, it may be an awkward scene, and will jus bring it thru without much touch on it...

told u that i am always ur support, no matter how u fall, u can be assured that, u'll have me.

this is me.. u don't need to tell me things like don waste time on u and things like that. i know what i am doing. if i deem that the time for me to move on from u to another. i will automatically move on. but now, in my eyes, i see the one and only u... and really, thank you. =)

take care... *ps.. very emo and touched or not huh? hahha.. like very serious hor my words... dorts leh.. wei he~! bu xing le~! =p

muackx. take care all...

Sunday went for chanting at wilson's house. morning till evening... then am quite tired... then met edgar for dessert at hougang mall... went home... slept

and woke up... so fresh~! was monday morning 5am, and i still got time for breakfast can.... ahahh... went to camp, then went home? ya... monday at camp very stress and emo la~! i went to the toilet and sit on toilet bowl cry.. omg.. like so drama la~! brrrrrr.... stupid "wotss", fo eat shit and may all evil things cling on to you and nv let go. =D

then went home... was bout to slp at 8pm, qi en called, and chatted lie 30 mins? ya, then he hung up.. and cant get back to sleep le. and so i went online, chat and things... then chatted with xiaokel and nicholas till dawn..

then went to camp.. work and took half day. met xiaokel awhile and went to met wilson for movie and walk walk... went chinatown for dinner. and xiaokel, nicholas, gerald and jason were at chinatown singing, so we joined them. then after singing, me nicholas and xiaokel went over to jasper house for mahjong.. haha.. got win a bit.

then after mahjong, went to camp. ahha.. omg la.. nv really got to rest.. then jus now after camp, went to wilson's house to make some head gear... ahah... where on earth did i get so much of strength... =)

so now, am at home.. ya...

since then, is you i only see... what ever you do, u'll have my support... wat u want, i do all my best to give it to u... i know how u feel when u tell me things.. i went thur all that. all i want, is you to be happy. i don wanna see you sad.

u told me.. i am only and can only be ur best fren... i cant do much, i cant fight much, so be it. i cant ask for much. i wont ask much.. seeing u falling for someone again, is a happy thing, but see u being slowly getting hurt again, it hurts me more, i cant comment much also. i only can do things to make u don think so much and make you feel happy.

when time pass by, i hope i'll change my feeling towards you from "someone special" to "fren", and let you have less heasdache... i'll be your support.

someone told me.. say that i am bias.. nv see me treat ppl so good for so long already... dorts leh... oh well.. wat can i do? =).

take care all~ muackx...

went to camp... so tired la... hmm... then decided to go home at 4.45pm... then my idiotic storeman didnt remind me that's 4.45pm already... when 4.50pm, he then say, eh~! 4.50pm already, stil ldon wanna go ah.. omg can~! the bus left liao la.... wah lao... so i rushed rushed rushed, coz need to help mummy make up for the dinner and dance.

make up make up, then her fren came to fetch her to the venue...

then ah cai ask me go play mahjong. with ah cai, larry's bro, and his bro fren... then start game at 7pm, till almost 3am... heehee.. just came back...

along the game, 2 things happened... he called. using his camp mate's phone.. omg~! he remembered my phone number? or did he called other ppl also... hmmm.. he actually called to tell me that 30th august can only meet me in the afternoon and not in the morning... and told me what happened, why and these and that.. i was like... omg, u are so sweet, u actually called and not wait till that day be4 then tell me... awww....

then also, wilson sms me said he's not feeling well~! omg... what happened.. haiz, sms him halfway then he lost liao... hope he's fine... AND PLEASE~! wilson~! go and get some food and eat.~!

so ya.. now came home.. blog blog a bit then sleeping le ba.~ =D

take care all... =P muackx... omg~ why u msg me... =D

omg~~ i miss him so much again. sucks la.. this feeling is so sucks.

i don wanna miss him la~! argh~ is a no ending thing la...

today, we chatted on the phone~ he use his handphone... HANDPHONE leh... call me and chatted for hours.. last time he will ask me call back de la, now no loh.. he say its okai... then we planned for his next book out, wat we gonna do. maybe going to mustafa shopping centre. haha... oh well, that's beside the point.

then after the chat, he met his fren, so gotta hang up. then he after his meal, he smsed me, but i was busy, so nv reply him. oh ya, these few days, after every meal, where he go, he will sms and tell me la~ am like, er, who am i to u actually... when we together also nv see u treat me like that. are u like makeing up to me or something? haiz... donno la... dorts..

then when i booked out jus now, i smsed him, and he called back~ HANDPHONE AGAIN... =.=
then chat again. he's booking in at 8pm, so he gotta get change at 6.15pm. so we chatted like 45mins then he went to get changed, and said will sms when book out. awww.. so sweet...

when almost 6.30pm he smsed me.. "i gtg bk to camp le.. U take care k.. Msg u agn when i bk out.." i was like omg can.... sweet loh him.. hmmm..

haiz.. i donno la... make me hanging there again. but as i said, i jus like the feeling that he's around.... haiz... FAN JIAN LEH JOJO~! haha... i am.

okai la... hope he'd change, not ffor me, but for himself and to others that will benefit...

bye~ muackx... i still got feel for him after so much he'd done these 2 days. =P

Heng ah~~~ still in time to keep back all the water that splashed out~ ahahah.. erm, also not all water la...ahah, or else, i will tripped and fall on my butt, head, body and maybe cant stand again... =P

now i understand what goddess of mercy did le... omg.. wat i asked for, really did save me a lot from the sadness that i may go thru.

today was quite a busy and tired day... went to camp and did lots of area cleaning... but am very energetic when comes to booking out time~ i am going to meet my ex. =D

i went to PS and met my ex. then we went to "Built a bear" and choose some clothings for a hello kitty toy... very fun loh the shop. ahha... then my ex was with a fren ma, so we send her off to the north-south line mrt and we took the north-east line mrt to chinatown. we went to "jing jing" and had my dinner. had jingjing famous fried rice, he ordered, deep fried castard bun + condensed milk. dessert, i had vanilla ice cream in coconut with strawberry, mango and kiwi topping, and he had cold hashima in coconut.

is like so sweet can. he feed me la... is like so unexpected. =.= i also don care so many people around or wat la, he feed, i eat. =p he feed me so many times la, so many people see, the angmo aunty was like "errr, is s'pore so open?" then behind the girls are like, "ahhhhh~! so sweet, romantic" heehee, overheard. opps... the sweetest castard bun with condensed milk ever...

then after dinner, took train back to orchard... then ask me walk faster, scare a shop close le.. then as expected, SIns chocolate... haha... he bought 9 pcs of strawberry sweethearts... who i thought he will be giving to leh.. after left the store, he pass the bag of sweethearts to me la... omg... o.O shocked.




he bought me a new drink, collagen water~! argh.. so argh, donno how to discribe... hmmm.. but he say good for health, must drink.. orh drink loh...


then nothing much le really... i don expect much things to happen la...

he'd changed quite a bit. more tanned, more muscular, erm, no hair, coz ns... he's more easy going then last time already. really, he'd changed.

i didnt see him for like 4 months already... a quater of the year... then he suddenly replied my msg and ask me to call him... i was like shocked. but was pleased too... at least the appearence of him made me divert my attention to him again. always thot i had placed him down and moved on, but this time, he's like a changed person, not only from the outside, inner self also...

=D goodnight.. take care. muackx...

hey... chinese got ppl complain again~ ahaha...

okai okai... blog in ang mo can...? dorts.

these few days still okai la... been busy with camp, busy with ppl and busy with so many things. haha.. seldom contact ya all.. sorry ah?

=D

i hope things will just turn out right...

i donno how to blog bout things but got so much to say, jus lazy to type. =P

muackx

等待

我早已習慣，早已對它感到麻木。再等上半個世紀也無所謂。等待着久違，神秘，復雜的愛的到來，它的出現。

或許它已出現，只是我沒去握緊它。或許它只是個幻覺，是個虛擬的感覺，是個假象。它真是讓人懷疑啊。

可能是我把東西看得太理所當然了吧，要的肯定要得到，即使讓我盼，我也盼得到。但，最想要的，永遠都得來不易，可能都要不到。

我把東西看得太簡單了，可能是我太快了吧。我都還沒認清你，怎么知道你就是我所盼的那個他呢？

好了。。。沒甚么好傷心的，沒甚么好不爽的。

最重要是你過得開心，過得快樂，過得幸福。我說過了，愛不是占有。。。

我不是要顯得自己偉大，我只是不想讓自己太傷心。

=p

not to worry... jOjo is still here... after 2 bars of chocolate and 2 sticks of ice-cream, =D
he will be fine la... he thot things are to be sweet and had so much hope put in again... haha... i think he need to keep some back again to prevent the self-repaired heart is being smash again...

thank you all these while... let me felt i am needed again. =D

dorts.. sound so emo can... hmmm... i want 2 years back that joJo~!!! i want him back. hurmp...
i'll try and get him back.~!

bleah... muackx.exljfvi

After a long day... seeing the person that you like at the end of the day is such a blessing. Despite your tiredness, your unwell, you still made the effort to meet me for supper, i felt really very blessed and happy...

you are the motivation now, at the end of the day, i have so much awaiting. Cant wait to see u online, maybe i can still meet you for dinner, could hear your voice. you are the one that is now keep me moving on.

yesterday afternoon, u sms-ed me, i was so happy... nv thot of it that u'll initiate the sms. =p
i thot i had chance. and i hope its not fake. U asked me, why am i treating u so good. coz u deserve better treatment then how u are being treated now.

think about it, after all the conclusion and all, let go, take what belongs to you and get done with it. i am waiting... heard you saying you wont be ready for another r/s that fast, i've made up my mind, as long as u are happy, i am out most fine with it...

it's very true what you said, i only see one tree now and not interested in the forest. i only see you...

hope that, i can accompany u walk thru all and all... hope that what i am awaiting for is worth it.

thank you for today. huggs.

take care... i think i am in love again.

愛與被愛

你會選擇被愛還是去愛別人？被人愛，很幸福，但如果你對他一點感覺都沒有，兩個人這么樣在一起都不會有任何的快樂。更痛苦的，你所愛的人，有心愛的人，這比任何東西更來得痛苦。

只想在心愛的人身上是貪點依賴，貪得一點愛。每個人都是這樣。

一旦被傷害，想在愛，那可是天大的難。

沒有任何怨言，沒有任何埋怨，在這里默默的等候。希望有些東西會改變。

明明知道他是不會輕易罷休。但盡管如此，不知不覺，他還是這樣贏走了我的心。

愛不是占有。愛是要你愛的人得到幸福。只要你愛的人得到幸福，你也應該為他感到高興。

不懂，不想去懂，只有那一線希望。累。。。
好累。。

Hey ya... today was quite a nice day. went home from maxwell at 7am, then do some work la... cannot say wat work la... some ppl know only, confidential.. i think only "unknown 1" knows ba... so bad, give him, "unknown 1" as nick name... oh well.. doesnt matter.

then chat with "unknown 1" and also do work. is like other ppl msg me on msn, i like nv see them like that loh... haha... donno why so attracted to "unknown 1".

then i went to get some rest at 12pm i think. then woke up at 4pm... went for a hair cut, same time meet "unknown 2"... alamak... "unknown 1" and "unknown 2" don want ppl to know who are they... ya.. so as i cut my hair, "unknown 2" keep sms, sms, then thot he will wanan tell me some gossip news... NEVER... okai loh.. then i told "unknown 2" i need to go le, need to go and meet "unknown 1" for dinner.

so went to hougang mall and meet "unknow 1" for dinner. ate ajisan ramen... wah lao, so pai sey, left $14, then "unknown 1" still need to fork out abit to pay my meal loh... pai sey can... "unknown 1" really know a lot of things oh... oh mi tuo fo~ =p

okai la... then came home, dyon ask me to meet him at heartland mall, then go meet, awhile then come home le.. omg.. he is a despo guy. buay ta han him.. argh... haha.. so faster run back.

hao le... reach home... then jus get to know some news, so aggitated... wah lao, same as me last time de situattion la.. haiz...

okai le.. take care all... muackx

What the hell~!!! Stupid movie~! Money Not Enough 2... omg can.. its not funny~! i cried loh. the story is so sad...

I seem like over reacting la... but is sad ma... hmmm...

told ya i don wanna watch Money not enough le, i thot u say is The mummy, then i agree to watch with you. okai lah, u treat, but then i also say i don money not enough le... mood is so down now.

if i know, i will continue to have dinner with my grandma. leaving her there along is so bad of me. hmmm... guilty you know. even more guilty after watching the movie. argh..

The movie reminds me a lot of things... the movie over do liao loh.. it makes things worst then it seems. it cost me my tears... the movie is 120mins.. show starts at 1opm. 10.30 tears strat to roll in my eyes already, 11pm, the tear keep flowing. i was like keep on looking at my watch, what time going to end.. hmmm...

mood was spoiled? almost... then out of cinema, saw jasper and andy. ya.. then i rush to take bus 80.. then now reach house liao...

take care all.. muackx